I knew after I lost Devi getting pregnant again was going to be emotionally hard. And it is. I worry all the time. I worry so much about what I eat, what I put in my body. Is he healthy? What I can do different this time. It's a never ending worry.
I still grieve her still. I miss her so. But I can't get too upset while carrying him too. She would have been two. The worst was her birthday and her death day.
For my right now is so hard. Im not able to work this time around coz of sciatic nerve problem. Which working was a huge distraction for me.
I am four months and three weeks with him. I had kept all of her stuff in hopes of having another lil girl. So now I have to sell her stuff to get his stuff. I find myself trying to fight the tears while doing this but I have to do it.
But the hardest part is going in the stores. It wouldn't be so bad if the nb boys stuff was away from the girls. Seeing the lil dresses and thinking she would be wearing that now.
For now I cling to a bunny I had made her on her second surgery. Its all I can do. That and pray our son is healthy. So far he appears to be. All I can do is pray and hope.
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